drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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