Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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