3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
