I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
