You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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