Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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