wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
