halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize