no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
