whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
