Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Randomize
