Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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