There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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