I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
