so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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