I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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