Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
