I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize