Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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