It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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