So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
