matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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