I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
