On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
