Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
