Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
