I love black thongs
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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