kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
that is very illegal...i love you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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