He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize