I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
