She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
