Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize