I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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