i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
