She's JV to your varsity
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
