I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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