i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
