mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Randomize
