Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
