Soap is not a condiment
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
