you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
