do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
