...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
