I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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