I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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