According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
