What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
