Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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