it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
