Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
