He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
