I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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