she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
