How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
