He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
