Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
