I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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