he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize