he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
